Maternal

Empowering Young Women to Embrace Their Maternal Instincts

11 May 2023

5.5 MINS

Edited extract from her latest book expected to be published in late 2023.

During a brief one-hour interstate flight I sat beside a young man (whom I shall call Ben) in his late twenties. He was married with a seven-month-old son. He’d recently started his own business in construction but now needed his wife to return to work for a year or so – “Just so that we can get on our feet.” The problem was that although his wife had enjoyed a successful career and a high-paying job, since the birth of their baby her innate motherly desires had kicked in – she no longer wanted to leave the home and return to the hectic treadmill of full-time work.

As there were only 40 minutes left in my flight time with this young man before we parted ways, I felt I had to speak up for his wife now or never. “How has your marriage been since your son was born?” I asked him.

Not as good as it was when there were just the two of them, he volunteered. Before the baby, his wife had so much more time for him. He missed her spontaneity and having all her attention. He loved his son, but to be perfectly honest he felt rejected by his wife. Their intimate life was also suffering. When he sought advice from older men on the worksite, they had no answers. “Well, that’s how it is when you have kids”, was their collective response.

My heart went out to the young man and his precious wife. They had been misled and shaped by the feminist myth that women could mother their babes well and have a successful full-time career or work outside of the home. The bond between child and mother is very strong, and in most cases, separation is a very painful experience for both.

“How does your wife feel about returning to work?”

“She’s dreading it. She says she doesn’t want to leave our son at daycare with strangers. It’s getting more tense every time we talk about it. And she’s loving being a mother, so much so that she wants us to have four children.”

Time was short, and I felt compelled to get straight to the issue.

“Look Ben, if in any way you can work it out so that your wife can stay at home with your son, then you should do it. If your marriage is already having challenges and you send your wife out to work against her deep motherly pull, then it will not go well. She will be tired at the end of the workday when she collects her baby from daycare, with an undeniable yearning to spend her last bit of energy with this, her most precious gift in the evenings. She will experience deep separation anxiety every day. And this will impact your marriage, because she will not be able to respond to you in her tiredness. You will continue to read her signals as rejection and most likely react badly, and she will grow resentful toward you for causing her to leave her baby in the hands of another and for taking offense because she is tired; it will only continue to cycle downward. Believe me, it will not end well.”

After further explanation, I saw Ben’s eyes begin to light up. He agreed that my comments made sense, that he was already experiencing some of the realities I had outlined but had never heard anyone talk about them before. As he tossed around some ideas, his demeanour changed from despair to excitement.

“We live in an expensive apartment in the city, we could downscale. My wife is gifted at administration, she could help manage my business at home.” His mind was racing as he considered what changes and sacrifices he could make to help his wife continue at home with their son. It was a beautiful sight.

Finally, Ben turned to me and said with a grin, “As soon as I get off this plane, I’m going to call my wife and tell her that she doesn’t have to go back to work.”

It was a profound interaction for me, and I was challenged by the thought of how many families are suffering unnecessarily. What’s the reason for this? I believe it is self-evident.

Young women are taught that their greatest fulfillment is in a career outside the home. When they marry, become mothers, and experience the innate attachment to their baby and the natural desire to stay home to raise their child, they find instead that they have committed themselves to a huge mortgage or a lifestyle that can only be sustained by two incomes.

There are numerous social media accounts on platforms like Tik Tok and Instagram that highlight the pain of being a new mother and returning to work. Too many young mothers are cradling their infants, weeping and shattered, as they count down the days remaining before they return to work. The sad thing is no one seems to ask the question: “Is what I’ve been taught a lie?”

We simply don’t prepare our daughters for motherhood. Many say they didn’t realise how deeply attached their babies were to them and how much love they were filled with. Having a child had sparked in them a deep desire to create a beautiful and loving home for both themselves and their children. For most mothers, leaving their baby and home every day for work is a literal torture.

I understand that some mothers have no choice but to return to outside employment. Additionally, I don’t mean to say that women shouldn’t work from home; we only need to look to the Proverbs 31 woman who sold in property, planted a vineyard, and made textiles and traded merchandise to enrich her household. It is important to note that she worked from home instead of outside. For now, I’m challenging the narrative that most women are more fulfilled outside the home and can manage a career and a family simultaneously.

In our churches, young mothers struggle with this issue. Sadly, Christian marriages are not doing very well. The church is in the grip of a fatherlessness epidemic, and a motherlessness epidemic is looming as well. We do not teach our daughters how to be wives and mothers which most women will be one day. They enter marriage incredibly ignorant and unprepared because the older women who are responsible for training the younger ones have not stepped up.

This can be attributed to two primary reasons. In the first place, older generations of women, including Boomer and Gen X women, drank the feminist ‘Kool-Aid’ and were deceived by it. They became the weak link in passing down mothering wisdom to our younger women. Secondly, today’s young women do not honour and respect older women as they did in previous generations. This is understandable, because many Boomer and Gen X mothers exited the home for jobs and careers, leaving their children to be raised in day care or by the education system. When it comes to things maternal, the wise and loving advice of older women in the church and community has been replaced by Mother Google.

Over and over, I have seen young mothers completely overwhelmed and frustrated because they were not taught child rearing practicalities. Neither have they been taught the impact of motherhood on children. For many mothers, they see the only way to escape the chaos and frustration at home is to return to work where there is order, recognition, and success.

I believe as Christians we have failed to prioritise the spiritual and practical importance of motherhood, thereby cultivating healthy marriages and families. The importance of this issue should not be underestimated. It begs the question: What are churches doing to support mothers intentionally and corporately in their God-given calling, besides giving them flowers on Mother’s Day, serving them cake, and preaching about motherhood one day a year?

The objective of my book is to expose the lies that I almost fell for as a young woman, and to encourage and teach young women in their highest calling as mothers. By our very nature, women are maternal. And as mothers we have an enormous influence on our children and our husbands, shaping them and shaping the world in which we live.

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Is the Hand That Rules the World wrote William Ross Wallace in his enduring 1865 poem that praises motherhood as the preeminent force for change in the world. The value of motherhood is indeed far above rubies and infinitely of more value in God’s sight than conquering nations or flying to the moon.

___

Photo by Letticia Massari.

We need your help. The continued existence of the Daily Declaration depends on the generosity of readers like you. Donate now. The Daily Declaration is committed to keeping our site free of advertising so we can stay independent and continue to stand for the truth.

Fake news and censorship make the work of the Canberra Declaration and our Christian news site the Daily Declaration more important than ever. Take a stand for family, faith, freedom, life, and truth. Support us as we shine a light in the darkness. Donate now.

11 Comments

  1. Kaylene Emery 11 May 2023 at 8:35 am - Reply

    I was very unwell before I drank the feminist cool aid …you kinda have to be to drink.
    Having drunk I became what ever they told me to be ….
    Thank you for your work Cindy.

  2. Judy Theobald 11 May 2023 at 2:33 pm - Reply

    thank you so much for saying so well what I strongly believe … women have been sold lies in many ways and to downgrade the value of motherhood is the worst.

  3. Judy Theobald 11 May 2023 at 2:35 pm - Reply

    Thank you so much for saying so well what I strongly believe …

  4. Liisa 11 May 2023 at 2:53 pm - Reply

    Love this! The lie of feminism has restricted rather than provided any freedom.

    So empowering for the young couple, what a powerful response.
    “I’m going to call my wife and tell her that she doesn’t have to go back to work.”

  5. Danni Rowe 11 May 2023 at 3:12 pm - Reply

    Absolute truth that so many women need to hear, both inside and outside the church. So much of Satan’s plot to destroy the home can be seen in this feminist move to elevate the female career over her born given instinct to be carer. Thank you so much for speaking up, and so excited for the bright future “Ben” and his wife now have!

  6. Susan 11 May 2023 at 3:42 pm - Reply

    Yes, yes, and yes!
    This is such an important and needed message.

  7. Cecily Mac Alpine 11 May 2023 at 4:18 pm - Reply

    Cindy is so right about the rearing of children by full-time mothers, important for both mother and baby. Researchers have warned about the harm done to babies when put into long-day care. The trauma alters the chemistry of the brain. Even though the carers are compassionate and the baby is given the best of care the facility can proivide, the facility is not ‘mother’ and it is not permanent. The first five years of a dhild’s life are of the utmost importance for laying the foundation for the rest of its life. It needs to be loved and nurtured by mother. If this is done that little boy will grow up to be a responsible, caring husband and father and that little girl will grow up to be a caring wife, mother and home-maker. I’ll look forward to reading Cindy’s book.

  8. Stef Mainey 12 May 2023 at 8:31 am - Reply

    I so agree with everything Cindy has written and with Cecily’s comments. My mum was a stay-at home mum. And as a young mother in the 90s, I was encouraged and blessed by my husband to be able to be a stay-at-home mum. I was surrounded by other young mums who chose raising children over returning to the workforce, and our children grew up together. As a single-income family, we struggled financially many times, but we always saw the greater value and higher purpose in raising children in a secure home environment with one parent at home for the little ones. And my daughter has chosen to do the same, supported by her husband who sees the greater picture. There is no greater responsibility and no higher calling, and the rewards are incalcuable!

    My heart absolutely goes out to younger women who have not had the same opportunity to nurture and raise their children in a loving, supportive environment and who have swallowed the “Kool Aid”. As a late career teacher of 0-12 year olds (I finished my degree in 2019), I have seen the heartache that many young mums in this generation carry in leaving their little ones in care, knowing that they are missing the critical years.

    May we see this turned around before it is too late. Thank you, Cindy, for once again tackling the issues that are so deeply affecting families .

  9. Claire 14 May 2023 at 5:11 pm - Reply

    Oh YES! Thank you Cindy for puting it so well; and thank you for all the comments, so pertinent and positive.
    I was never as well and content as during pregnancies and the early years of my children.
    It breaks my heart to know how much joy and special moments working mothers are depriving themselves of by choosing ‘careers’ over staying at home for those formative, and so fleeting years.
    DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES!

  10. Cathy R 16 May 2023 at 9:22 am - Reply

    Such a good word, Cindy.
    I chose to be a stay at home Mum,
    & I would choose it again & again.
    No regrets whatsoever.
    I believe it’s Gods plan for mother’s
    to be at home, raising & nurturing
    their children in His ways.
    God bless your new book, as you complete it, & to all who read it, be inspired to
    seek Gods plan for their life. ❤️

  11. Fiona 30 May 2023 at 9:05 am - Reply

    Thank you for being so brave to speak out. It is as if you are swimming against the tide of society.
    I did the same thing 40 years ago. When my husband worked long hours away from home.
    I didn’t have the heart to leave my children in the care of others.
    For the sake of have of having everything that was brand new.
    I know housing is such an enormous expense now a days and such a burden.
    We saved up our money to pay for the item before hand. Bought and did up furniture, cars and houses. And made clothes for all the family
    The best part having time to cook nutritious food for them and having meal times around the table.
    It was lovely to hear my daughter say that she wanted her children to have a childhood like she had. So I was privileged to be there for her children and encourage her.

Leave A Comment

Recent Articles

Use your voice today to protect

Faith · Family · Freedom · Life

MOST POPULAR

ABOUT

The Daily Declaration is an Australian Christian news site dedicated to providing a voice for Christian values in the public square. Our vision is to see the revitalisation of our Judeo-Christian values for the common good. We are non-profit, independent, crowdfunded, and provide Christian news for a growing audience across Australia, Asia, and the South Pacific. The opinions of our contributors do not necessarily reflect the views of the Daily Declaration.
Read More.

MOST COMMENTS

HALL OF FAME

BROWSE TOPICS

BROWSE GENRES