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by Mary Fancote

Marriage matters for many reasons and has proved to be a good recipe for family life throughout the ages. The familiar adage, “the family is the backbone of society”, recognises the contribution that family life makes to society and has done so from time immemorial.

Marriage takes into consideration what is best for men and for women, and what is in the best interests of the whole human race. The marriage vows establish a covenant between two people in which they promise to live together as husband and wife “for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death us do part”.

The Bible defines marriage in Genesis 2:24: “A man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.”

According to a 2011 article in The West Australian newspaper entitled “Marriage means kids do better, say researchers”, the Institute of Family Studies found that “children of married couples are more socially and emotionally developed and learn more quickly than those of single mothers or de facto parents.”

Married mother of two Tegan Benfell, of Wanneroo, who was interviewed for the article, said she was not surprised by the findings, which fitted her own experience.

Benfell, a published author, works full time from home while caring for her children and takes a consistent approach to parenting. “The findings make sense,” she said.

“Things are easier when you have some financial security, and there are two of you to help.

“Both my children are in advanced classes across the board. They are doing really well.”

Marriage: Challenge and Calling

Marriage as a lifetime commitment will not always be easy. An article in Reader’s Digest in 2001, which surveyed several married couples and touched on the trials of married life, stated that some people wake up in the morning and wish they were not married. “‘The panic hits men in the early years of marriage; for women it kicks in five or so years later,’ says Bill Robinson, a marriage and family counsellor with Relationships Australia.”

Marriage means working at becoming one, and that is no mean feat. As Bill Robinson says:

“There’s always a tension in marriage between wanting to be close and wanting to be autonomous.”

The article says:

“When the kids are young and the mortgage is high, it is hard work and you wake up and envy your single friends. Robinson goes on to explain: ‘This doesn’t necessarily mean the person will end the marriage or even want to.’”

The late Pope John Paul II was a philosopher, theologian, and avid writer on many topics including marriage. He greatly believed in the importance and sacredness of marriage as the union of a man and woman in a permanent committed relationship. In his book, Love and Responsibility, in the chapter entitled, “Marriage”, Pope John Paul writes:

“The inner and essential raison d’être of marriage, is not simply eventual transformation into a family, but above all the creation of a lasting personal union between a man and a woman based on love.

“Marriage serves above all to preserve the existence of the species, but it is based on love. A marriage which, through no fault of the spouses, is childless, retains its full value as an institution.”

Undermining Marriage Led to the Instability of Society

The late B.A. “Bob” Santamaria addressed an International Conference on the Family in 1991. In his address, he explained how the Family Law Act of 1975, the brainchild of the late Justice Lionel Murphy – attorney-general in the Whitlam government – changed Common Law.

“The Common Law defined marriage as a ‘voluntary union for life of one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others’”.

He added:

“The marriage contract has been transformed into an essentially temporary contract which on 12 months separation can be dissolved by one party only without the necessity of proving fault in the other; without the necessity even of consulting the other; and without regard to the vital interests which children obviously have in being brought up by both biological parents. No other contract – not even the contract for the sale of a house, a car, a horse, or a dog – can be broken so casually.”

It is obvious that since the passing of the Family Law Act in 1975, marriage has been seriously undermined. This undermining of the institution of marriage has led to the increasing instability of society. According to Bob Santamaria back in 1994, Australia had the highest suicide rate in the world. The increase of violence and crime involving young people is a further example of the consequences associated with the breakdown of marriage and family life.

In an American report from the Heritage Foundation, Patrick Fagan states that the professional literature of criminology is surprisingly consistent on the real root causes of violent crime: the breakdown of the family and community stability.

“The sequence has its deepest roots in the absence of stable marriage.”

This is a report from America, but it would be the same for Australia.

Marriage breakdown is a huge cost to the nation and the economy suffers due to government funding of the single family and the high cost of crime to the community. The Family Law Act has encouraged couples to give up easily and because of this has removed responsibility from the marriage contract by encouraging and promoting no-fault divorce.

Family: The Vital Cell

“Family is a community: husband, wife, the children, and relatives,” says Pope John Paul II in Familiaris Consortio. “With love, the family can grow and reach its full stature.” He goes on to say,

“The family is a school of humanity. All members of the family, each according to his or her own gift have the grace and responsibility of building day by day the community of persons, making the family a ‘school of deeper humanity’.”

In this school, each family member learns to care for the others; in it, there will be special care for the young, the sick and the aged; and there will be mutual sharing of goods, joys, sorrows and the kind of sacrifice that brings happiness and a sense of fulfilment.

The family is a vital cell of society. It is in the family that young people should be able to learn the values of respect, justice and love. In a non-threatening environment – values that are significant, yet patently lacking in large sections of modern society. When these values are upheld and encouraged, society will benefit socially, economically and spiritually.

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Originally published at News Weekly. Image via Adobe.