slim Santa

Health Expert Fat-Shames Santa

22 December 2022

1.2 MINS

A health expert is urging shopping centres to ban fat Santas.

Health and wellness expert Vincent Candrawinata told The Herald Sun that overweight Santas promote ill health.

Christmas must be a hoot at Mr Candrawinata’s place! But I digress.


He said:

“We shouldn’t expect Santa to be fat because that sends the wrong message. Being overweight should not be associated with happiness.”

Mr Chandrawinata is ensuring health and wellness experts are not associated with brains.

Santa’s girth doesn’t ‘send a message’, good or bad.

Does anyone seriously think that anyone takes their health tips from Santa Claus?

Have you ever heard an overweight person use Saint Nick’s portly figure as justification for their own poor conditioning?

Of course not.

Most people understand that Santa is a mythical figure. Someone should explain that to the health and wellness expert.

Mixed Messages

All of this is very confusing, of course. You can’t fat-shame plus-size models, but you can fat-shame plus-size Santas?

How is that consistent?

Why didn’t the health and wellness expert mention Mrs Claus? She’s not exactly a vegan weedling herself!

And does anyone, other than the health expert, really want to hang around a scrawny Santa? How would a svelte Santa even work?

What do you leave for him on Christmas Eve? A celery stick?

The guy drops down chimneys, so his weight is clearly no obstacle to his work.

It seems to me that our health and wellness expert wanted some publicity for Christmas. And he used Santa to deliver.

The only thing getting larger and larger is clown world.

Cue the transgender Santa in…

3 …

2 …

1 …

Anyway, I heard Santa just had his booster shot, so rather than worry about his weight, we should be hoping he makes it to the 25th.


Originally published at The James Macpherson Report.

Subscribe to his Substack here for daily witty commentary.


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