Guys, Get Your Ticket for Melbourne’s ‘International Lesbian Day’ Party

31 August 2023

1.7 MINS

International Lesbian Day is coming up fast, and the gals in Melbourne are trying to get organised.

But a Pride of Lesbians planning a big celebration on October 15 have just one problem — they don’t want any men involved.

It makes sense, right? Excluding men is not an option for lesbians; it’s a feature.

Well, not so fast, ladies. Victoria’s Sex Discrimination Act makes it unlawful to have a lesbian event that doesn’t include men.

Now, most blokes would argue that, like lesbians, they also fancy women. But the lesbian situation is more nuanced than that.

Lesbian events are for women attracted to women, not men attracted to women who are attracted to women.

At this point, every man in the country shakes an angry fist at the heavens and screams, ‘Why is life so damn unfair?

But wait,’ I hear all the enterprising young men say. ‘What if I was a man attracted to women who identifies as a woman? Can I get my event ticket online? Or do I pay at the door? Hurry up October already!’

Not so fast. These lesbians didn’t come down in the last Mardi Gras. They’ve already anticipated a bunch of ladies packing a little extra arriving for the event, and they’re not having it.

They want to advertise their girl-on-girl gathering as being for “Lesbians Born Female Only”, which sadly precludes Dylan Mulvaney and friends.

Approval Required

But excluding trans women from your lesbian celebration is not as easy as boycotting Bud Lite. The girls need a special exemption from the Australian Human Rights Commission, or their International Lesbian Day party will be illegal.

You can’t just un-alphabet the Alphabet Community because you want a little space from the other consonants.

If the Ls want even a night without the Gs or the Bs or Ts, they’ll need a special license.

The LGBTQ rainbow doesn’t come apart without the say-so of the State.

The AHRC is currently taking public submissions and will make a ruling on this difficult subject some time before the event.

In the meantime boys, circle the second weekend of October in your diaries.

Vote ‘No’ to the Voice on the Saturday, and dance all night to “Strawberry Kisses”, hopefully with the Matildas, on the Sunday.

I jest, of course. “The Loco-motion” is a much better song.

After decades of campaigning for gay rights, this is the situation lesbians now find themselves in — needing government permission to celebrate International Lesbian Day.

Tolerance and love and diversity and inclusion is working out so well… for men.


Originally published at The James Macpherson Report.

Subscribe to his Substack here for daily witty commentary.
Photo by Anna Shvets.


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  1. Cecily Mac Alpine 31 August 2023 at 10:12 am - Reply

    Dear James,
    At this point in time you still have the right to free speech, and you shine a light on inconsistencies in the arguments of certain LGBT+ people by your satire, but I would encourage you also to remember that these are people for whom Christ died. Your statement commencing “At this point, every man in the country shakes an angry fist at the heavens and screams …. ” Not so! Not every man. Some men in our country are ‘born again’ Christians and have a different approach when they disagree or are puzzled about anything. Even though I disagree with your manner of speaking/writing, I still support your right to speak your mind. This right could be curtailed in the near future if the government has its way.

    • Peter Pearce 31 August 2023 at 1:16 pm - Reply

      Dear Cecily,

      I appreciate your reminder about the importance of seeing all individuals as people for whom Christ died, and the importance of compassionate communication.

      I believe James’s article was not an attempt to malign any group but was a satirical exploration of the complexities that have arisen within our modern cultural landscape. The intention behind the satire is to shed light on the intricacies of our society, where sometimes the lines between inclusivity, freedom of speech, and identity become blurred. The observations he made are a testament to how ripe certain topics have become for comedic insight, given the often paradoxical nature of the evolving cultural discourse.

      Your valid concern about potential curtailment of free speech by the government only further underscores the extent to which our society is grappling with these issues. It’s evidence of a larger dialogue that our society is currently entangled in – a dialogue that sometimes feels influenced by a “woke mind virus” that can have polarizing effects on discussions about identity, inclusivity, and rights.

  2. Christine Crawford 31 August 2023 at 10:39 am - Reply

    I am woman hear me roar… Lesbians have lost their rights , just as hetero woman have also. Who will be next?

  3. John 31 August 2023 at 11:38 am - Reply

    This is not the 21st century I was promised. I was thinking flying cars…but Noooo!
    I get lesbians who want to party only with homo-normative-XX-possessors.
    Did I get that intersectionality gibberish correct?

    It’d take a heart of stone not to laugh.

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