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Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan recently rushed to address her state’s most pressing issue — ensuring the alphabet mafia feels sufficiently validated.

The Labor Premier issued a stunning and brave statement reassuring Victoria’s LGBTQ+ community that she believed in them.

I cannot imagine how relieved bisexuals across the mainland’s southernmost state must have felt, knowing that Jacinta Allan believed in them.

Imagine how much better Victoria would be if Jacinta Allan also believed in accountability and fiscal responsibility.

Maybe next year.

For now, it’s enough to know that she believes in lesbians and two-spirited queers.

Wrong Priorities

Allan took to Twitter to promise all Victorians with weird sexual proclivities and pronoun fetishes that, despite evil “right-wing extremists” (also known as normal people), her government would continue promoting their gender and sexual confusion, no matter how much damage it did.

She virtue-tweeted:

“I want to send a message to every LGBTIQ+ Victorian in our state today …

Sorry to interrupt, but I have to comment on the +.

How is it that you can have an open-ended acronym? I’ve never understood that.

Anyway, Allan continued,

“I know that right now, you might look at the world with fear and uncertainty.”

Gays are hardly special in this regard. Anyone who understands the extent of Victoria’s debt now looks at the world with fear and uncertainty.

All that government-funded top surgery starts to add up.

But, of course, Jacinta Allan was not talking about the cost of living crisis her government’s profligacy had inflicted on Victorians.

As we well know, she was talking about the fact Donald Trump was now President of the United States.

And that makes Victoria’s LGBTQ+ community afraid because they have been so busy preparing for Mardi Gras that they haven’t yet realised Trump has no jurisdiction in Victoria.

Jacinta Allan does love her drag queens and her fear porn, though:

“Fear for your community, fear for your safety – fear for a future that might end up looking a lot more like the past.”

“The past” she refers to are those dark days in which it wasn’t legal for doctors to castrate confused children, or for grown ass men to identify as women in order to access the girls’ change rooms.

“But I want you to know this – in Victoria you have a Government and a Premier, who believes in equality, and believes in you.”

Ideology

I’m not sure if there’s anything more frightening than the idea that a government “believes in you”.

When the government starts having ‘beliefs’, it starts pushing ideologies rather than providing services.

Next minute, it’s illegal for a psychologist to suggest that the toddler wanting his testicles cut off so he can be a girl might need mental health care rather than a surgeon’s knife.

But what does it mean that Jacinta Allan believes in transgendered people?

Does she believe people can be born into the wrong body?

Does she believe that some people need their souls to be rescued by a double mastectomy and a lifetime of hormone treatment?

And if so, will she be tweeting tomorrow to assure the Easter Bunny that she believes in him too?

The Victorian Premier continued:

“Regardless of who you are, or who you love, and despite the vile rhetoric spilled by right-wing extremists overseas, or cheap fear-mongering by politicians here in Australia: In this state, you are respected, you are equal, you are loved. And our Government will always fight to keep it that way. Happy Pride, Victoria.

Vile right-wing extremists overseas? I’m offended that Jacinta Allan leaves out vile right-wing extremists — like most of my readers — right here in Australia?

I’d have her know there are plenty of outstanding vile individuals, including many reading this newsletter, who stubbornly insist chicks with dicks aren’t chicks at all.

And what are we to make of the promise that gays, lesbians and two-spirited polyamorous queers are loved in Victoria?

Are white, middle-aged, slightly homophobic, heterosexual men also loved in Victoria? Asking for my brother-in-law.

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Republished with thanks to The James Macpherson Report.

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Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.