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“Women have all the woe”

One of my schoolteachers taught the spelling of “woman” and “women” by jokingly asserting that both words begin with “wo” because “Women have all the woe”!

Even at that time, I felt she was only half-joking and that there was an element of seriousness in what she said.

Women have much to put up with merely because they are women. Unpleasant physical realities constantly remind them that their bodies are geared for childbearing – which, I have been assured, is “no picnic either”.

In Bible times, women were subordinate at every level. Girls were educated mainly by mothers; parents arranged marriages; and women had little legal position. Jewish men prayed, “Blessed art Thou, O Lord… who hast not made me a woman.” Even in our society, some people say, “It’s a man’s world.”

Submission to husband

Though all three Persons of the Godhead are equal in nature, there are differences in the roles they perform. To fulfil His role as the Lamb of God, Jesus lived as a man on this earth, humbly submitting Himself to His Father. Since humankind uniquely reflects God, there is likewise equality of nature but difference of role within the human family. After the Fall, the relationship between husband and wife was changed by the pattern of male headship that God set, with the result that the difference in their roles henceforth included a difference in levels of authority.

Because ideally, it is a truly loving headship that the husband exercises in his relationship with his wife, marriage is sometimes pictured in Scripture as parallel with God’s relationship with His people, Israel in the Old Testament and the Church in the New Testament. Through Hosea, He says to Israel: “You will call Me ‘my husband’; … I will betroth you to Me forever.” (2:16,19)

Paul writes to the church in Corinth: “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy.  I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him” (2 Cor. 11:2). In Revelation the Church is the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, “the bride, the wife of the Lamb” (21:2,9-10).

The parallel between marriage and Christ’s relationship with His Church implies the necessity for wives to yield their own rights to their husbands: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).

Because Paul elsewhere describes Christ as “the Head, from whom the whole body [the Church]… grows as God causes it to grow” (Col. 2:19), the expression “the head of the wife” could include the idea of the husband as the source of life or nourishment for his wife, just as Christ is for the Church. However, since in the above passage from Ephesians the expression “the head of the wife” is used in a context of submission, almost certainly the primary reference there is to the husband’s position of authority in the marriage relationship.

Differences in levels of authority are also emphasized by Paul when he writes: “The head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3).  It follows that as Christ is to be honoured by man, so the husband is to be honoured by his wife.

Paul insists that “the wife must respect [or reverence (KJV)] her husband” (Eph. 5:33), and the basic meaning of phobētai, here translated “respect”, is “fear”.  Most men have a God-given need to feel honoured, and perhaps it is partly the lack of respect involved in verbal behaviour such as nagging that men seem to find well-nigh unbearable: “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping” (Prov. 19:13)!

It’s not all bad news for women

There are at least four biblical reasons why women need not feel that it is overwhelmingly “a man’s world”.  The most important reason is that Scripture as a whole teaches that everyone needs to submit primarily to God Himself, rather than to any lesser authority.

Further good news for women is that God commands husbands to love their wives; that He cares about women; and that He does not expect wives to be “doormats”.  These truths will be examined more closely in the following four sections.

Wives are to submit primarily to God

In the New Testament, commands such as “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities” and “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men” (Rom. 13:1; 1 Pet. 2:13) are obviously not meant to stand when those authorities order people to do something that amounts to disobeying God. Daniel preferred to be thrown into a den of lions rather than cease praying to God (Dan. 6:6-13).

Likewise, when Israel’s supreme court, the Sanhedrin, ordered the apostles not to teach in the name of Jesus, they replied, “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).

In the same way, if a wife is ordered by her husband to act in a way that is against God’s law, she is guilty in God’s sight if she obeys him. Jesus said that families would be divided concerning Him (Lk. 12:51-53), but warned, “Whoever disowns Me before men, I will disown him before My Father in heaven” (Mt. 10:33).

There are some specific examples in Scripture that illustrate the personal responsibility of wives to submit primarily to God, regardless of the consequences.  To save the lives of all the Jews in the Persian Empire, Esther the queen risked her life by daring to approach the king in the inner court without being summoned by him.  Her resolve was, “I will go to the king, even though it is against the law.  And if I perish, I perish” (Esther 4:16).  By contrast, Sapphira shared the fate of her husband Ananias for conspiring with him to lie to the early Church, and therefore to the Holy Spirit, about the price received for land (Acts 5:1-11).

It is important to note that those wives who are put in difficult situations by the expectations, requests, or commands of their husbands need to take great care in deciding what is against God’s law.  For example, if a husband ordered his wife to cease attending church (as some husbands have done), what should she do?

Having enough rest and spending enough time individually with the Lord are features of a Christian lifestyle; but keeping a Christian Sabbath and the manner of keeping it are controversial topics, even though it is generally accepted that the first day of the week was celebrated by the apostles and the early Church as the Lord’s Day (Acts 20:7; 1 Cor. 16:2; Rev. 1:10).

Instead of immediately concluding that in order to be faithful to the Lord, she would have to disregard her husband’s order, it would be better for such a wife to seek carefully God’s guidance for her specific circumstances.  “Let us not give up meeting together… but let us encourage one another” (Heb. 10:25) is a very relevant exhortation. However, the Lord has enabled some wives in this situation to be content to meet regularly with a few other Christians for Bible study and prayer on a weekday.

Husbands are to love their wives

The Bible is a very balanced book.  Although wives are told to submit to their husbands, men are certainly not encouraged to lord it over their wives. Rather, they are told that just as Christ is the Saviour of the Church, His Body, so they must not only love their wives, but love them sacrificially:  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Paul points out that everyone “feeds and cares for [his own body], just as Christ does the church”; thus “Each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself.” (Eph. 5:25-30,33)

In Colossians, Paul’s terse command is: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (3:19).  Headship in marriage is a privilege that involves exercising authority in a godly rather than a harsh way.  Peter, with experience of marriage, urges husbands, “Be considerate as you live with your wives [literally, Live with your wives according to knowledge], and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (1 Pet. 3:7)

Wives inherit eternal salvation on equal terms with their husbands – by God’s grace alone – and God cannot bless any ungodly treatment of them, such as riding rough-shod over their feelings or taking advantage of their comparative lack of sheer physical strength.  Rightly understood, biblical teaching matches the God-given need of most women for both security and love.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21) is Paul’s general exhortation to the church in Ephesus, but it can also be applied to the marriage relationship. For example, no husband should be selfish enough to think that it is his right always to have his own way in every decision without even consulting with his wife; or to go out as much as he likes while his wife is always expected to be at home on her own or looking after the children. At times, love should cause a husband to subordinate his wishes to those of his wife. His headship, however, still applies. Unselfish love is not equivalent to weakness, or to an abrogation of authority.

God cares about women

There are numerous biblical examples of God’s help for women who were troubled or in need.

When the Egyptian maidservant Hagar ran away from her mistress Sarai (later named Sarah), “the angel of the LORD” found her near a spring in the desert, told her to return to her mistress, and promised her a son, Ishmael, and numerous descendants.  Later, when Abraham sent her away with her son and their water supply ran out, “the angel of God” called to her, encouraged her with a further promise for Ishmael, and showed her a well of water (Gen. 16:6-13; 21:14-19).

Ruth, the Moabite widow of an Israelite, tried to support herself and her widowed mother-in-law Naomi by picking up leftover grain.  She “found herself” gleaning in a field belonging to Boaz, not knowing at first that he was a relative by marriage (Ruth 2:1-3).  He took the responsibility of being her “kinsman-redeemer”, and through her marriage to him Ruth became an ancestor of David (Ruth 4:9-17), and thus of Jesus.

Hannah, in anguish because of her barrenness, prayed silently at the tabernacle for a son, vowing to dedicate him to the Lord.  The kind words of Eli the priest comforted her, and her prayer was answered by the birth of Samuel. (1 Sam. 1:1-20)

God’s care for women goes far beyond problems such as impoverishment or barrenness. In His multi-faceted ministry to them, Jesus did not hesitate to break cultural norms. He showed that God really values women and is prepared to trust them.

Jesus opened a conversation with a Samaritan woman, showed her that He knew about her sinful life, and, amazingly, told her that He was the Messiah. Her witness about Him enabled Him to stay in that town for two days, with the result that many believed in Him (Jn 4:1-42).  Likewise, after His resurrection, He gave Mary Magdalene an important message for His disciples: “I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God” (Jn 20:17).

When Martha criticised her sister Mary for sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to Him instead of helping her with household tasks, He commended Mary for choosing “what is better” (Lk. 10:38-42).  He also appreciated and defended the woman who poured very expensive perfume on His head and was criticised by the disciples for “this waste”.  Knowing that He was to die soon, He saw her action as “a beautiful thing” done to prepare Him for burial, and even proclaimed that “wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (Mt. 26:6-13)

Wives do not need to be “doormats”

Nowhere in the Bible is there any suggestion that God expects wives to be so passive or timid in relation to their husbands that they will not even express an opinion about anything. Indeed, only a husband who despised his wife instead of loving her would want her to be such a weak “doormat”. By contrast, God shows His approval of some women who had to speak their minds if they were to be in line with His purposes.

Peter urges wives to be “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master” (1 Pet. 3:6).  However, when Sarah urged her husband, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son”, – something that he was very reluctant to do – God told him, “Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned” (Gen. 21:10-12). A wise husband will listen to his wife and consider what she says.

To save the life of her “surly and mean” husband Nabal, the “intelligent and beautiful” Abigail pleaded with David in words that, though true, would normally be considered disloyal to her husband and therefore wrong.  She said, “May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal.  He is just like his name – his name is Fool” (1 Sam. 25: 2-35).

Jesus did not expect women to be servile when speaking to Him.  When He tested the faith and persistence of a desperate Syrophoenician woman by implying that Gentiles were dogs, her spirited response, “Even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs”, elicited His praise: “For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter.” (Mk 7:24-30)

No spiritual inferiority

Woman is equal to man in nature, but was created for the role of companion and helper to her husband, a role that would seem to imply subordination to him to some extent. When the Fall spoilt the perfect harmony Adam and Eve had enjoyed, God explicitly placed Eve under her husband’s authority.

God’s Word, however, makes it clear that there is no spiritual inferiority in being a companion and helper instead of the main decision-maker. God has given human beings free will, but the Holy Spirit is the divine Companion who comes alongside us as our Counsellor or Helper or Comforter (Jn 14:15-17,25-26; 15:26; 16:7-15); and Jesus on earth delighted in obeying His Father and in taking the role of a servant ministering to people’s needs.  He told His disciples, “I am among you as one who serves.” (Lk. 22:27)

Men and women need one another not only in order to “fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28), but also in many other ways.  They complement each other.  In general, men are physically stronger and have a greater ability to see “the big picture”, while women have greater physical endurance and do not miss the details. Women are often superior to men in relating to others, and some women who have an intimate relationship with the Lord can help their husbands to be in closer intimacy with Him.

Although the Bible teaches the need for submission of wives to their husbands, it also teaches that the difference between male and female is irrelevant in our personal relationship with God. Peter reminds husbands that their wives are “heirs with [them] of the gracious gift of life” (1 Pet. 3:7), and Paul’s assertion that all believers are spiritually united in Christ is particularly inspiring: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).

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The material for this article is from “True Womanhood” by Alison J. Sherrington, a book that resulted from an attempt to discover from Scripture the abiding principles of true womanhood and to encourage us to be available to God and find His plan for our lives.  Through the Philip House website, the book may be obtained from Amazon or freely downloaded and printed as a PDF.

Image courtesy of Adobe.