Secret Service

Secret Service Cocaine Investigation Blows

20 July 2023

2.4 MINS

When Donald Trump ordered McDonald’s to the White House back in 2019, the media went nuts.

It was tacky. It was classless. It was unbecoming, they said.

But when cocaine was found in Joe Biden’s White House this month, the media were completely incurious.

Someone brought an illegal substance into the White House? Meh. It happens.

Eleven days after the booger sugar was found in the West Wing, the US Secret Service announced that it was clueless about whose it was. The elites can tell you that last week was the hottest day in more than 125,000 years, but they can’t locate the owner of coke in the White House.

The Secret Service said it had attempted to determine a suspect through fingerprints, DNA traces and video evidence, but had come up empty.

Hey, it’s just one of those things. Shrug.

They have now officially closed the case. Nothing to see here.

In a day and age when they can nail a serial killer from DNA left on a pizza crust, is anyone actually buying this?


The Secret Service had a ready-made list of suspects. Every person who accessed that part of the White House would have had to have signed in.

And yet…

Even when supplied with a list of suspects, it was all just a little too hard for the Secret Service to figure it out. So hard that they gave up in less than two weeks.

We all know that if the white powder had been found while Trump was in the Big House, there would have been a forensic investigation, and CNN would have talked about nothing else for two years.

But because the woo-woo was found in Biden’s crack house, the case has been closed with barely a murmur.

Speaking of the Secret Service’s inability to find the nose candy’s owner, Donald Trump told a public rally at the weekend:

“They have got more cameras than possibly any other building in the world. It’s opposite the situation room. I know it very well. It’s probably the most important room anyway in the world. That’s where war is decided, where nuclear is decided where everything is decided. They say we didn’t have any cameras. Like hell they didn’t.”

Say what you like about Trump; he’s right on this one.

Tangled Web

The Secret Service changed the location of the drugs three times. First, the toot was said to have been found in the White House library.

Then the story changed. The pearl had evidently been found in a “highly trafficked” area accessible to tour groups.

And finally, it was announced that the sneeze had actually been discovered in an area of the West Wing close to the Situation Room.

Is it any wonder the Secret Service can’t nominate a suspect when they were flat out nominating the location in which they actually found the bag of snow in the first place?

The Secret Service is either grossly incompetent or lying.

Ironically, by claiming not to know whose coke it was, the Secret Service has confirmed whose coke it was.

They didn’t find anyone because they didn’t want to find anyone.

Cocaine is a serious drug that impairs judgment and discourages secrecy.

When it comes to the work being done in the White House, it is a national security problem if staff are drugged out, and so sloppy that they leave their cocaine lying around.

When Biden came to power, he promised the most transparent administration in history. And he has certainly delivered. The whole world can see right through them.


Originally published at The James Macpherson Report.

Subscribe to his Substack here for daily witty commentary.
Photo by Jacob Morch.


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