Israel Recognises Australia as a Palestinian State
Melbourne will be renamed West Ramallah, only with better coffee and more crime.
Israel has stunned the international community by formally recognising Australia as a Palestinian state.
The move comes after Canberra’s decision to recognise “Palestine” — a nation that exists in roughly the same way Bigfoot does: blurry, elusive, and most often spotted by people desperate for attention.
In retaliation, Israel announced that Australia itself will now be listed on official maps as “Occupied Aboriginal Territory (Palestinian Protectorate, Southern Division).”
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, upon hearing the news, reportedly nodded solemnly and said,
“We welcome Israel’s recognition of our imaginary status. After all, recognition of imaginary things is the cornerstone of modern diplomacy. Just ask the United Nations.”
Fresh Topography
Israeli officials were quick to clarify the terms.
Sydney, they explained, will henceforth be regarded as East Gaza.
Melbourne will be West Ramallah, only with better coffee and more crime.
And Canberra will remain what it always has been: utterly irrelevant.
Foreign Minister Penny Wong, architect of Australia’s “Palestine-is-real-if-we-say-so” policy, hailed the move as,
“… a victory for justice, self-determination, and the sort of political theatre that plays well with inner-city focus groups.”
Greens Deputy Leader Mehreen Faruqi was ecstatic, insisting that Australia should embrace its new Palestinian identity fully.
She proposed renaming Parliament House “The People’s Intifada Dome” and suggested Question Time be replaced with weekly chants of “Death to Coal.”
Israel’s recognition of Australia as a Palestinian state has raised eyebrows in Jerusalem, not least because Australia doesn’t appear to have a functioning government.
Critics argue that the move only rewards Federal Labor at the very time they are holding 26 million people hostage to their climate policy.
Then again, rewarding terrorists is pretty much what the United Nations is for.
Sensational
The saga ended, fittingly, with the Eurovision Song Contest. Australia — newly recognised as Palestine — submitted a heartfelt ballad titled “From the River to the Reef.”
To everyone’s surprise, it won.
The trophy was collected by Anthony Albanese, who dedicated the victory to “imaginary nations everywhere” and promised that Australia would continue its proud tradition of recognising things that don’t exist.
As the crowd applauded, Penny Wong was overheard whispering:
“Next year, we’ll recognise Mordor.”
Israel, buoyed by the roaring success of recognising Australia as Palestine, announced it would soon extend the courtesy to Britain, France, and Canada.
UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer reacted with outrage, asking,
“Why would Israel need to recognise the UK as a Palestinian State when we have already done that ourselves?”
___
Republished with thanks to The James Macpherson Report. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
17 Comments
Leave A Comment
Recent Articles:
11 June 2026
2.6 MINS
This year’s Church and State Australian Summit (CAS) kicks off on Friday in Brisbane with a line-up like no other including Senators Pauline Hanson and Malcolm Roberts, Robbie Katter MP and former New Ager and social media celebrity Jamie Zhu.
11 June 2026
2.2 MINS
On 13 June 2026, the Body of Christ will converge on the Blacktown Showgrounds for a day of worship, prayer, and activation. Marking the 420th anniversary of the declaration of Australia as the “Great South Land of the Holy Spirit”, Pentecost 26: Australia Arise is a strategic gathering designed to unify the church and launch a decade of harvest.
11 June 2026
7.7 MINS
Despite millions in funding, some Northern Territory town camps remain decrepit, dangerous places filled with rubbish — and little appears to be changing. Where is the money going?
11 June 2026
1.5 MINS
A part of the 250th anniversary celebrations, U.S. Catholic bishops are organising a national consecration of the United States to the Sacred Heart of Jesus on June 11, 2026. This prayer service in all Catholic Dioceses will entrust America to Christ’s love, mercy, and lordship.
11 June 2026
6.4 MINS
The Southern Poverty Law Center told donors it was fighting extremism and racism. But the US Justice Department now alleges it illegally funnelled millions to fund the KKK, cross burnings, and neo-Nazi recruitment — the very movements it publicly condemned.
10 June 2026
3 MINS
A parenting guide booklet published by the Victorian State Government lists “praying with your child for them to stop being LGBTQA” among actions that “can harm your child” — placing Christian prayer alongside punishment and psychological pressure as practices families should avoid.
10 June 2026
4 MINS
Police deliver the most unfortunate line after a Belfast man is nearly beheaded in the street. The attacker, granted asylum in 2023, shouted "Allah Akbar" in harrowing footage posted on social media.
This is just sooo funny and thanks for making us laugh at the absurdity of the situation and our horrible Government.
We were listening to the reports from the United Nations, and the address made by the PM.
Quite depressing. We certainly needed some levity to balance our brains!
Thanks for supplying this once again James!
Brilliant
What next? Will Netenyahu recognize us as Nazis to condone his unlawful killings in the Middle East, attacking a country where peace talks were going to be giving some hope? I’m sure that not all of Israel’s population are bloodthirsty warmongers.
Love it! We need to laugh amidst all the tragedy
It’s hilarious, but the world (and our Government) is in such a state that I had read half of it before it dawned on me that it was meant to be tongue-in-cheek! I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent and with a lively sense of humour, but I wonder how many people will read it in the Canberra Declaration (as I did – not from the newspaper) and think it’s true. Perhaps James or the Canberra Declaration editor should have put a footnote – just to clarify!!
I propose that the Swift – Pope Award for the 21st Century go to the Macpherson
James: you are hilarious. Loved this spoof!!
What a silly bunch of people in government we have. Israel is the rightful owner of that land. Sorry Israel.
Hello? Where I come from, we recognise God as the rightful owner of all land.
Albanese has no idea! They don’t want a Palestinian state, they want Israel to disappear, and they’d have it all!
Albos Catholic like Hitler and his nazi party ,all of the top nazis were Catholics .Hitler modelled the SS on the Jesuits ,both military operations .
The Nazis hate Jews .Some historians say the Catholics created Islam and that the Prophet Mohammed married an ex Catholic nun who influenced him .Rather similar to Luther being an former Catholic priest.
Why do they hate Jews .?
Because Moses led them out of captivity from Pharoah ,created democracy ,created a leader chosen by the people ,not birth .
Rome conquered Egypt Colonised or Pharoah became Caesar ,Caesar became Pope .
“they in there hate Jesus and Christians “Pope emeritus Benedict .And ” they hate truth and beauty ” he added Truth is Jesus and Beauty is God’s Creation and truth .Truth is beauty .
The Egyptians worshipped Ra , the Sun , but apparently originally Saturn was the Sun .The black rock the Nazis secretly worshipped too .
They also had that trans half human half dog creation .
They wore skirts .Into b@d .Really Not being coy .They never heard of Christian values then .
If Netenyahu has said this, what does that mean for Christians from Australia visiting (or for ministry ) Israel or those Australians ministering permanently in Israel? that statement could have serious ramifications for Christians. I don’t think we can be too Blaise about this. Yes this is a blatant spiritual attack against the Israeli people and the church at large. October is the month of prayer and fasting for the Church. we need to partake in this.
Ros, it’s a spoof/satire article worthy of publication on the BabylonBee (fake news you can trust) https://babylonbee.com/
Your satire hits home James. In many ways the Australian Govt has failed to see the bigger picture or the truthful situation of Gaza. I doubt our PM knows that Gaza was given to the Arab and refugee peoples, as a peace gift in 2005, from Israel, and then a year later the Hamas took over (through election forum the Fatah’s)….a
I doubt the PM, Immigration minister or foreign minister have ever seen how Gaza was before the gift was given. The Israelis had cultivated it, irrigated the lands and made it pristine. It as a superb gift which others could have inherited and tilled the land and lived off the land….Instead the Hamas built war tunnels and hid weapons and missles underground, so they could gain pasage into Israel for the next 16 yrs…so very sad!
Yet our Govt is blind to all that and is happy to reward the Hamas for the Oct 7 attack 2 yrs ago, the pack packs, the beheading of the babies and the slaughter of over 1,200 Jewish people simply because the Hamas want all Jews dead and to take over their land.
It is was sad and shameful day for Australia when our PM made his decision to reward the Hamas and their brutal rule …the refugees in Gaza have never had a chance to look after the land and to make a living, as they are used simply as a human shield and now indoctrinated to hate Israel from birth…such a tragedy but the worst tragedy is to see Our Federal govt fall for the lies and propoganda through lack of research, knowledge and lack of conscience.
Some much needed humour! Thanks, James.
hi Kym, thanks for that clarification. I didn’t have time to read all the posts and the article hit me hard as my husband and I go to Israel as often as we can. i will have to read everything a bit more carefully in future.
Satire everybody Satire!!!!!!