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We need women. That’s a line that all men can agree on, but not always for the right reasons.

Feminism only gained ground in the 1890’s when men became vocal supporters of a woman’s right to vote.

In those days, in a court of law, a woman did not have the same rights as a man. Thankfully, this has changed, but as always, the pendulum has swung too far. Now, in a court of law, a woman has more rights than a man.

The recent settlement of a false rape claim against a man by NSW police being a “stark example of … a pattern of ideological bias” among prosecutors in sexual assault cases.

Who better to lead us back to the middle of the spectrum than a brave articulate woman? We especially need women in the legal profession who are prepared to champion fatherhood from a woman’s viewpoint.

Hearing Marilyn York’s TEDx Talk titled, “What Representing Men in Divorce Taught me about Fatherhood” brought encouragement to my heart. The last two minutes of Marilyn’s speech are riveting and sum up exactly why Dads4Kids exists. These are the moments we live for!

Relationships between men and women are fraught with difficulty at the best of times. The forces of darkness hate unity. That is why we need champions who will fight together, hand in hand, arm in arm to get the balance right. ‘A just balance’ has to be the starting point for love, and ultimately it is the only way love will succeed.

When I have been interviewed on radio or TV, people have introduced me as a ‘father’s rights advocate’. I have always corrected them by saying I am a ‘father’s love advocate’. As the song says, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love.” It is still true today. We don’t just face a fatherhood deficit. We face a love deficit.

In my search for Marilyn York’s video, which I had seen when it first came out several weeks ago, I came across another TED talk video which brought me to tears.

For starters, this TED talk was recorded in a prison. Secondly, a prisoner introduced the correctional officer, Calvin Williams, to give his talk on “The Importance of Fathers”. The fact that Calvin was a single father of three children really caught my attention.

As a man who has been in more prisons in Australia than most of Australia’s hardened criminals, I have a soft spot for men with blue tatts who smoke White Ox. I also have a soft spot for the guards as well. Theirs is a tough and thankless job.

I have done concerts in over twenty gaols in almost every state in Australia except South Australia. Gaols are homes for fatherless men. The stats say between 70-80% of men in gaol are fatherless. I shared this statistic with a gaol Governor in Western Sydney. He said, “Wrong Warwick, try 100%”. Who am I to argue with him?

That’s why Calvin’s story is so powerful, especially at the 3-minute mark. The applause from the prisoners does not lie.

This comment from Savage Hadoken under Calvin’s TEDx Talk tells the story well:

“I grew up with just my mum, she had me young and moved away from her hometown to give birth to me, thus separating the son from the father.

She did a great job at being a mother, don’t get me wrong, but she was a useless father, how could she possibly know the importance of a boy’s need to imprint on, and look up to a positive male figure growing up? I always knew something was missing within me, a constant battle was being waged in me between the beta and alpha sides of my being.

I escaped within myself, preferring my own company, never really forging worthwhile friendships, even though I was a social butterfly deep down. I was often angry, not knowing how to control my emotions and always had a really nervous energy that would make it impossible to focus for any length if time.

I feared failure and would never take unnecessary risks. My head was a jumbled mess. I was brought up a man-child, and only by having a wife and 2 children do I see so clearly what I missed out on. My wife looks after us all and is the first person the kids go to when they are tired or ill. She feeds us and cares for us, she makes us feel safe.

I as the father and husband am constantly pointing out the mechanisms of life, the meaning behind everything we encounter, sharing my philosophical views, encouraging and pushing my children to be brave, to never fear failure, and to always get back up and keep on fighting to master everything they do. I make them feel secure.

It’s so sad that the nuclear family is dying out, and its a travesty to believe that a child does not need BOTH parents to truly have the best start in life. It’s become my life to ensure that theirs is the best it can possibly be, because they make me the best person I could ever hope to be.”

Calvin himself grew up fatherless and knew the pain well, but fought hard to keep love alive. He succeeded at great cost, but nonetheless succeeded, and you can too.

Lovework

Watch the above videos, and if you are brave enough, share them with your family.

Let us all become advocates for a father’s love, not only with our words but also with our deeds, so that together we can shower the people with love.

Yours for more fatherhood champions,
Warwick Marsh