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Europe holds emergency meeting about past events.

British and French leaders held a joint press conference on Friday, after the Strait of Hormuz was opened, to demand that the Strait of Hormuz be opened.

It was the world’s first-ever post-event, pre-emptive demand.

Here’s how it all went down…

Iran announced the Strait of Hormuz would open.

Then Trump confirmed that the Strait of Hormuz would open.

After which markets responded, with oil prices falling at news that the Strait of Hormuz had indeed opened.

And finally, after all of that, a European-led delegation of 49 useless governments — including our own — demanded that what had already happened, should happen.

Announcing a Mission to Open What’s Already Open

Keir Starmer held a press conference overnight that began like this:

We just had a very productive meeting bringing together 49 countries around a very simple message and proposition that the world needs the Strait of Hormuz fully open because that is how we keep prices down for our people and stop the global economic damage.

So 49 countries, all of which had declined to help open the Strait of Hormuz, declared that they needed the Strait of Hormuz to open because… expensive.

Starmer continued:

We’ve all agreed, there was real unity, in the meeting that we’ve just had that we want to see a return to talks and reopening of this strait.

So they all agreed to demand that the thing they won’t do, should be done.

And they all agreed that if no-one else does the thing they want done, they’ll continue to demand someone else does it.

Powerful stuff.

The World’s First Post-Event Press Conference

As if that wasn’t clownish enough, it turns out that while Sir Keir and other bureaucrats from around the world — including our own general manager, Anthony Albanese — were talking about how the Strait of Hormuz needed to be opened, well, if you’ll excuse the pun, that ship had sailed.

Starmer told journalists:

We welcome the announcement that was made during our meeting, but we need to make sure that is both lasting and a workable proposal. And if anything if reinforces the need for the work that we’ve been doing this afternoon.

Translation: it turns out that our meeting this afternoon was completely redundant which, if anything, reinforces the need for the work we did this afternoon.

You couldn’t make this stuff up. Though, to be fair, they just did.

So what do you do when 49 countries have spent all afternoon crafting a carefully worded statement to demand the Strait of Hormuz open… only to realise Donald Trump had opened the Strait before you could deliver your statement demanding it be opened?

Well, you deliver the statement anyway. Because nothing says global leadership like reading a statement that reality has already mocked.

Here’s Sir Keir demanding that what had just been done, be done.

The Strait should be re-opened immediately with no tolls and no restrictions. There was absolute unity on those points across all of the states attending today.

And as ships began to navigate the Strait of Hormuz, Keir Starmer announced that he was scheduling another talkfest to discuss how they could help the ships that are right now navigating the Strait of Hormuz to navigate the Strait of Hormuz.

Because if there’s one thing a moving oil tanker needs right now, it’s a conference in London next week.

Starmer again, if you can bear it:

Crucially, we agreed to accelerate our military planning… we will take this forward with a military planning conference in London next week, where we will announce more detail on the composition of the mission.

So Keir Starmer, standing alongside Emmanuel Macron, announced a mission to open something that had just opened, and to escort ships that had already sailed.

Completely Useless

US President Donald Trump posted on Truth Social:

Now that the Strait of Hormuz situation is over, I received a call from NATO asking if we would need some help. I TOLD THEM TO STAY AWAY. UNLESS THEY JUST WANT TO LOAD UP THEIR SHIPS WITH OIL. They were useless when needed. A paper tiger.

Fair enough.

I fully expect that Keir Starmer will hold a press conference tomorrow announcing the UK intends to help America find Osama Bin Laden.

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Republished with thanks to The James Macpherson Report. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.