Men & Women — The Challenge of Discovering What We Each Really Want

27 April 2019

3.1 MINS

Many years ago, I went to the largest single day men’s conference in Australia, the Hillsong Men’s Conference.
One of the speakers, Dr A.R. Bernard, shared the title of his message, “What do Women Want“. A holy hush descend on the 5,000 men gathered in the auditorium as they all thought “Wow! I am going to find out today the question that many of my forbears desperately wanted to know but were too afraid to ask”.
The holy hush descended into knowing laughter as Dr Bernard proceeded to explain that women don’t know what they want. He used the example of his wife’s indecision on where to go out for dinner as his set piece explanation — part humour, part fact.
Dr AR Bernard was greatly influenced by Ed Cole, who according to the New York Times was one of the fathers of the modern men’s movement. Ed Cole was one of my greatest inspirations. He coined such phrases as, “Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of choice” and “You don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there”.
For this and many other reasons I have a great deal of respect for Dr AR Bernard, but on this one occasion, I disagree with him. It is my belief that women do know what they want, but because they speak a different language to men, we have a communication problem at the most basic of levels. Women speak Venusian whilst men speak in the Martian dialect. To paraphrase Ed Cole, Martian is full of headlines whilst Venusian is full of fine print.
Let me cut to the quick on what women want in a man:
Firstly, a woman wants a man — not a boy or a SNAG (sensitive new age guy) but a man who has confidence. To quote Dana Peach, “What women want from men is confidence. The Trump is Personal Confidence. Confidence… not arrogance, not dominance, not one-upsmanship, not useless bravado, not macho heroics. Women just love truly confident men”.
Secondly, a woman wants a man who will listen to them, respect them and share the confidence that he has in himself with them.
Thirdly, a woman wants to be loved and cared for. All women are love-sponges. They love the attention that only a man can give them. They love to feel truly cared for.
AR Bernard is right in part. Women don’t appear to know what they want, but what they do want is a man who is prepared to fight for them and find out what they want, and then do what it takes to satisfy that need.
Every man alive should read the New York Times bestseller The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Although women speak Venusian, they probably also have a different love language to you. It could be: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch or Quality Time.
I often liken men to a diesel truck, and women to a sports car. A truck can work all day long and move mountains. All it needs is oil and diesel and it will go and go and go. However, a sports car is totally different. It requires the right fuel, the right oil, the right sort of attention by highly skilled technicians. With the right sort of attention, a sports car is capable of amazing performances.
Woman are like sports cars — to reach their full potential they need lots of tender loving care.
Trust me men, once you master the art of confidence and the art servant leadership you will be surprised at where it takes your relationship. Furthermore, once you master the art of listening, the art of love and the importance of the five love languages, you will be surprised at the rewards for both you and your wife and your relationship together.
Yes, a truck can move mountains but, on the racetrack, a well-cared for sports car can outlap a truck any day of the week.
The quest to find out what women want is a lifetime journey. Sometimes it changes by the hour, but it is a quest every man should put his heart and soul into, because the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to find out what the mother of his children wants and give it to her.
Let me make one more point. Perhaps it is fair to say that both men and women don’t really totally understand what they really want. That’s why we need each other.
Ask the question of the woman in your life, “What do women want?” and then spend the rest of your life trying to find out, and then give it to her even if it kills you. It is a great way to die! Out of death comes life, and so does love.
Yours for the Love Journey,
Warwick Marsh

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  1. Catherine 15 May 2019 at 2:25 pm - Reply

    Awesome article. And I have to agree we need each other. We need to seek out what each other wants and, as loving servant leaders, provide it. It’s a mutual thing

  2. Ian 16 May 2019 at 12:36 am - Reply

    Warwick has given us three things that a woman wants in a man, i) Confidence, ii) A listening ear and iii) both the desire and the ability to love her. The Bible sums it up for both the man and the woman in the marriage relationship with just one sentence, “However, each one of you (men) also must LOVE his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must RESPECT her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). If a man loves himself, he will have confidence and if he loves his wife to the same degree he will listen to her and want to meet her needs. All he needs in return is her RESPECT. It will do wonders for his (self) confidence and inspire him to loving leadership in the family.

  3. Jenny 16 May 2019 at 7:18 am - Reply

    This is really good..Some great analogies here.

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