World Exclusive: Interview with Hamas
An inside account of how the world’s media relate to the Palestinian terrorists.
The James Macpherson Report today brings you a world exclusive.
Overnight, a special press conference was arranged at which the leadership of Hamas spoke with world media.
Below is the transcript…
Hamas: “We want to destroy Israel! Allahu Akbar!”
World Media: “You don’t mean that. You’re freedom fighters, not terrorists.”
Hamas: “Yeah, we totally mean it. We love killing Jews.”
World Media: “Hahaha! No, you don’t.”
BBC Journalist: (giggling and slapping her thighs) “You guys!”
Hamas: “Look, we just slaughtered 1400 Israelis.”
World Media: “You’re referring to the October 7 resistance?
Hamas: “It was a slaughter. Allah Akbar!”
World Media: “Were you forced to do it because of the Occupation?”
Hamas: “Yes. It is our occupation. Each terrorist, er, ‘resistance fighter’, haha, is paid $10,000 per dead Jew.”
BBC Journalist: “By occupation, we mean the Israeli occupation of Gaza?”
Hamas: “They haven’t been in Gaza for almost 20 years.”
BBC Journalist: (Tilts her head sideways and gives the Hamas spokesman a disapproving look)
Hamas: “Yes, yes, of course. Israel must end the (cough) occupation.”
World Media: “So that’s why you attacked southern Israel on October 7!!!!”
Hamas: “No, we chose to do it because we love raping, torturing and killing Jews. The act and the motive were one and the same.”
World Media: “We’re going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
Hamas: “We also beheaded babies. Allah be praised!”
ABC Journalist: “Bullshit!”
Hamas: “Unlike the ABC, we don’t lie.”
ABC Journalist: “I’ll need to Fact-Check that”
Hamas: “We videoed ourselves killing babies. Do you want to see?”
CNN Journalist: “We’d much rather see footage of Palestinian casualties.”
Al Jazeera Journalist: “We can help with that. And some of the staged stuff looks really authentic.”
Hamas: “Good. Good. But we also need to show the footage of dead Jews so we can confirm the $10,000 payments we promised our jihadists.”
World Media: “You mean militants?”
Hamas: “You say militant, we say ISIS.”
(long awkward pause)
Hamas: “We also give our Nazis a new apartment in Gaza as reward.”
World Media: “And yet Israel’s indiscriminate bombing of the civilian population means many of these beautiful hard-earned apartments are reduced to rubble.”
ABC Journalist: (shaking his head) “More oppression!”
Hamas: “Allahu Akbar!”
CNN Journalist “Allahu Akbar!”
(another awkward pause)
(CNN Journalist shrugs and smiles)
MSNBC Journalist: “Just to underline the point, you were driven to rape and murder on October 7, having suffered 75 years of Israeli oppression.”
Guardian journalist: “Don’t worry. We get it. We all would have done the exact same thing.”
Hamas: “We rape them because they’re Jews.”
BBC journalist: “Well, even if you did rape a few women here and there — and I’m sure you did it very tastefully, and they probably enjoyed it — but I think it’s important to emphasise that it didn’t happen in a vacuum, right?”
Hamas: “It happened in a kibbutz.”
World Media: “What we mean is that you had good reasons for doing what you did.”
Hamas: “Oh yes, it’s in our Charter.”
World Media: “It is?”
Hamas: “We clearly say in our Charter that we want to kill all the Jews. Have you not read our Charter?”
ABC Journalist: “We read the bits we wanted to read.”
Hamas: “Like the Uluru Statement from the Heart?”
ABC Journalist: (leaning forward keenly) “The fight for Palestinian rights and the fight for Aboriginal rights are SO aligned!”
Hamas: “Haha … useful idiot!”
World Media: “What do you say to critics who suggest Queers for Palestine would not be welcomed in Gaza?”
Hamas: “Queers?”
World Media: “Some say you throw gays from the top of high buildings.”
Hamas: “Oh, you mean filthy homosexuals? Why do you in the West never say what you mean? But no, we no longer throw the filthy homosexuals from the top of high buildings.”
BBC Journalist: “You’ve evolved in your thinking!”
Hamas: “We have no high buildings left.”
World Media: (in unison) “They’ve evolved in their thinking!!!”
Hamas: “Well, useful idiots, we would love to continue assisting you in your mission to spread misinformation and disinformation, but we need to ensure our human shields are still in place.”
World Media: “We appreciate your time, Hamas.”
ABC journalist: “Before we finish, would you mind if we… ”
CNN Journalist: “Oh yes! Please? Can we please?”
MSNBC: “Come on, just once before you go back to hiding beneath the hospital?”
Hamas: (impatiently) “Oh, alright. Everyone together on the count of three …
Everyone: “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!”
(World media cheer and high-five each other)
Hamas: (picked up on a hot mic) “Infidels! You can’t help but love them. We’ll behead them when we finish with the Jews.”
___
Originally published at The James Macpherson Report.
Subscribe to his Substack here for daily witty commentary.
Photo: Hadi Mohammad/Wikimedia Commons
3 Comments
Leave A Comment
Recent Articles:
5 August 2026
2.3 MINS
What happens when the side arguing 'the West shouldn't be suspicious of Islam' essentially tells their opponents: 'Be nice to us or the mob outside will get you'? An Oxford debate provides the answer.
5 August 2026
3.8 MINS
The Berlin Pride attack has reignited questions about ideology, truth and prejudice, exposing how political narratives can distort public reactions and deepen suspicion towards Christianity.
4 August 2026
5.2 MINS
How do you feel about listening to music that's been made totally through machine learning? Does it matter if you can't tell if it was made by a human or AI? Could the lyrics and emotion still resonate with you? Now, what about AI music made to worship God, or spread the Christian message — does it actually matter?
4 August 2026
9.1 MINS
Thirty Muslims living in the West have made their intentions crystal clear. They've announced their plans to dominate your country, replace your values, and transform your way of life — all on camera, in their own words. They're not hiding their Islamic agenda. The question is: When will we start believing them?
4 August 2026
6.6 MINS
Newly released emails and diary entries reignite debate over Anthony Fauci's pandemic leadership, exposing stark contrasts between his public statements and private assessments.
3 August 2026
4.5 MINS
A former witch looking for spiritual answers in all the wrong places, Christopher Wickland has driven off a cliff, been dead for 15 minutes, and encountered Jesus in the woods. The former occultist turned Pentecostal pastor now carries a burning conviction that England needs to reclaim its Christian identity — an he's not afraid to say so.
3 August 2026
7.9 MINS
Ceuta, Spain's enclave on Morocco's coast, faces unprecedented chaos as tens of thousands breach borders in what leaders are calling an invasion. The crisis exposes the catastrophic consequences of open-border policies across Europe.
Where is the proof that Israelis have killed 9, 000 Palestian civilians in Gaza ? How do they get that number ?
It’s so dark comedy, but I can recall the truth in some parts of it that inspired James to dig deep into his back pocket to put it all together. Those useful Idiots being the MSM and the “filthy homosexuals” who will all get their rewards from Allah (aka Stan) eventually.
You’ve captured the spirit of the conflict well.
Despite the enemy’s plans, including the left media, Jesus Christ the Jewish Messiah will prevail.