Australia’s Largest Christian News Site

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved,” are the wise words of Mother Teresa.

Dr Vivek Murthy, the USA Surgeon General, said, “Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. More broadly, lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”

From my own experience growing up in a fractured family, good relationships with both family and friends are critical for health, wellbeing and success.

On my mother’s side, 90% of my relatives were overseas in Scotland. Mum was one of eight children. I have fond memories of meeting and spending time with extended family as a 6-year-old boy in Scotland. Even though distance separated us, I knew I was loved greatly. It left me with a warm feeling and good memories.

Sadly, this was not the case on my father’s side. I never met my grandmother and grandfather. They had passed before my birth. Unhappily, some unexplained devastation had fractured family relationships, so much so on my father’s side that they were nonexistent.

This left me with a gnawing gap growing up.

The fact that my mother and father could not get along did not help, but rather aggravated the problem.

The good news over the last several decades is that both my wife and I have worked hard to nurture relationships with both family and friends.

I might add, not without challenge. The wartime saying, “Eternal vigilance is the price of safety,” is true of the battle to maintain friendships with both friends and family.

Let me say at the outset. We, both men and women, all need family and friends if we are going to lead happy, healthy and productive lives, but I do think this article from The Conversation, “Women Need Friends, Men Need Family: UK Study Confirms Importance of Social Networks” by Charis Palmer, Dr Monika Merkes and Dr Richard Fletcher, has a point. Let me share the article below.

Having a wide circle of friends is important to psychological wellbeing, but a network of relatives is more important for men according to new study from the UK.

The research, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, found the midlife wellbeing of both men and women seems to depend on having a wide circle of friends, with a lack of friends associated with significantly lower levels of psychological wellbeing.

The study, which included 6500 Britons born in 1958, found that a network of relatives is also important, but only for men, and for women, lack of friends had an even greater negative impact on wellbeing.

It found being partnered is associated with large kinship networks, yet only men psychologically benefit from having an extended kinship network.

“It’s interesting that this study, like others before, has found that being partnered or married is more beneficial to men than women,” said Monika Merkes, Honorary Associate at the Australian Institute for Primary Care & Ageing at La Trobe University.

The study states: “The association between partnership status and psychological well-being was present among men only. However, further analyses showed that values of psychological well-being were actually higher in women, especially those who were not partnered, when compared with men.”

Dr Merkes said the study did not go into possible reasons for this, but one might speculate that mid-aged women’s caring role for older relatives and their own children or grandchildren adds stress rather than conferring psychological benefits.

She pointed to a recent Australian study, which examined relationship quality and levels of depression and anxiety that found that only good-quality relationships bestowed mental health benefits over remaining single. The study, published in the Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, also found that for women, being in a poor-quality relationship was associated with greater levels of anxiety than being single.

More information on why those studied were not in a relationship would be useful said Richard Fletcher, senior lecturer in the Family Action Centre at the University of Newcastle.

“They don’t differentiate on unpartnered people whether they’re separated, divorced, or single.

“You can imagine your networks would be reduced a bit if you were divorced,” Dr Fletcher said.

The study found one in seven had no contact with relatives outside their immediate household, and around one in ten said they had no friends.

“This study adds support to previous studies that show being socially connected is good for wellbeing and mental health. In this context, it is of great concern that about one in ten people report having no friends at all,” Dr Merkes said.

Lovework

Let me make a few comments on this very interesting study.

1. The title of this article should be, “A Woman Needs Friends and Family, but a Man Needs a Woman (Wife) and Friends and Family Besides”. There is a very interesting comment by God in Genesis 2:18, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” You might say, “Warwick, I don’t believe in God.” I don’t care! It is still true. A man needs a woman more than a woman needs a man. All the social science research backs this up, besides all my lived experience working in the field of men and families.
2. The study is right. Friendships are important. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, “The friendless owner of the world is poor.” Proverbs says, “He who wants a friend must show himself friendly.” Work on your friendships, because you will live longer and be happy if you do. As R.L. Stevenson also said, “A friend is a gift you give yourself.”
3. The study is right. Family is important. Family and family relationships are a precious gift. As Michael J. Fox said, “Family is not an important thing, it is everything.”

Treasure your wife, family and friends. Trust me, you will never regret this act.

Yours for More Love,
Warwick Marsh

PS: Springtime is the best time of the year to go camping with your children. I encourage you to plan a weekend with your family now somewhere in the wilderness of Australia. Watch our 9-minute Dads4Kids Fun Camp Doco if you want inspiration. If you are in the vicinity, join us on the 1-2 of November at Coolendel on the beautiful South Coast of NSW. Details here.

___

Republished with thanks to Dads4Kids. Image courtesy of Adobe.