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Late last year, Joshua Stylman, a husband, father, entrepreneur and investor from the US state of New York, penned a thought-provoking piece for the Brownstone Institute: “From Marcus Aurelius to Omar Little: A Man’s Code is Vital“. In it, Stylman expresses his thankfulness for authentic relationships and highlights the importance of living with integrity. He writes:

“My gratitude centres … on something that has become increasingly precious in our artificial age: authentic relationships – both family and lifelong friends – that deepen rather than fracture under pressure. What binds these relationships, I’ve come to realize, isn’t shared opinions or circumstances, but a shared code – an unwavering commitment to principles that transcends the shifting sands of politics and social pressure.”

Dads and mums are often under pressure, but as we’re prone to highlighting here at Dads4Kids, gratitude is an attitude that helps to relieve the pressures of life. Stylman explains how, in moments of testing, the difference between those who live by a consistent code and those who simply follow social currents becomes starkly clear:

“Like many others who spoke out against Covid tyranny, I watched what I thought were solid relationships dissolve in real time … As surface-level relationships fell away, my core relationships – decades-long friendships and family bonds – not only endured but deepened. These trials revealed which bonds were authentic and which were merely situational. The friendships that remained, anchored in genuine principles rather than social convenience, proved themselves infinitely more valuable than the broader network of fair-weather friends I lost.

In these contemplative moments, I’ve found myself returning to (Marcus) Aurelius’ Meditations – a book I hadn’t opened since college until Joe Rogan and Marc Andreessen’s excellent conversation inspired me to revisit it. Aurelius (a first century Roman emperor) understood that a personal code – a set of unwavering principles – was essential for navigating a world of chaos and uncertainty.”

Stylman continues:

“In (American crime drama TV series) The Wire, Omar Little, a complex character who lived by his own moral code while operating outside conventional society, famously declared, ‘A man got to have a code.’ Though a stick-up man targeting drug dealers, Omar’s rigid adherence to his principles – never harming civilians, never lying, never breaking his word – made him more honourable than many supposedly “legitimate” characters. His unwavering dedication to these principles – even as a gangster operating outside society’s laws – resonates deeply with my experience.”

Thankfully, my little corner of the world does not resemble the fictional, criminal world of The Wire, but the biblical code my family and I strive to live by has stood the test of time in my (almost) 44 years on the planet.

Daily, I’m inspired by family, friends and the incredible Dads4Kids community, who also strive to live with integrity and make the world a better place.

Some final words from Stylman and Aurelius:

‘I find myself grateful not for the easy comforts of conformity, but for those in my life who demonstrate real virtue – the kind that comes with personal cost and requires genuine conviction. The answer lies not in grand gestures or viral posts, but in the quiet dignity of living according to our principles, engaging with our immediate communities, and maintaining the courage to think independently.

As both the emperor-philosopher (Aurelius) and the fictional street warrior (Little) understood, what matters isn’t the grandeur of our station but the integrity of our code. Returning one final time to Meditations, I’m reminded of Aurelius’ timeless challenge:

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”’

Lovework

Check out Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. As Omar Little said, a man got to have a code. Consider joining our ten-week Courageous Online Fathering Course starting soon (registrations close 30 January 2025 – find out more here). One of the video sessions is even called Code to Live By!

As 2025 gets underway, please don’t miss this excellent opportunity to learn from a great group of men, develop your code, and leave a lasting legacy for your loved ones.

Yours for having a code,
Nathaniel Marsh

P.S. This past Wednesday, my father Warwick (Dads4Kids co-founder) and I had the great honour of hosting a lunch with inmates who have graduated from the Dads4Kids Inside-Out Fathering Program at South Coast Correctional Centre (SCCC) in NSW. One of the men told us his copy of the Inside-Out Program manual had become ‘his bible’. Their stories, especially how the work of Dads4Kids had encouraged them, were inspirational!

Many thanks to Dads4Kids’ dear friend and wonderful Inside-Out facilitator Chaplain Glenn Berry for his labours of love, all the staff at SCCC, and our generous donors who make the Inside-Out Fathering Program possible. Keep an eye on your inbox for more details on Inside-Out coming soon!

P.P.S. If you’re encouraged by the work of Dads4Kids and would like to help us continue Building Men, Growing Fathers, and Changing Generations, please consider making a tax-deductible donation here.

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Republished with thanks to The Daily Dad. Image courtesy of Adobe.