King Net Zero Risks Losing His Kingdom
King Charles is now officially in charge of saving the planet.
No, this is not satire.
Buckingham Palace confirmed last week in its annual report that the monarch’s job description had been amended to include providing leadership on “environmental sustainability.”
Presumably with a sceptre in one hand and a reusable shopping bag in the other.
The Palace report says the King will be…
“Taking action to protect climate and nature in everything we do and encouraging others to do the same.”
Saving the Planet
This is the first time a British Royal has been responsible for saving the entire planet.
Previously, they were only expected to save Prince Andrew from public appearances and legal depositions…
But fear not: King Charles is taking his role as Climate Messiah very seriously.
The Palace proudly announced it had…
“ … worked to restore or upcycle over 60 items of furniture.”
Nothing says “We feel your pain” to a working-class Brit like giving a distressed leather lounge a second chance at life.
But it gets better.
The same report also boasts that the Palace spent six hundred and five thousand pounds re-landscaping a rose garden at Windsor Castle “using more sustainable plants”.
Nothing screams climate hero like having your subjects pay to re-landscape the rose garden.
Britain’s biggest threat isn’t mass illegal immigration, or a crumbling economy – it’s unsustainable shrubbery.
Charles isn’t so much defending the realm as defending the rhododendrons.
One royal petal at a time.
Kingdom Change
To be honest, this nonsense tells us more about the state of the monarchy than it does about the climate.
Once upon a time, kings defended empires.
King Net Zero will defend compost heaps and recycling bins.
Meanwhile, everyday Britons – condemned to live in glorified shoeboxes with smart meters and guilt – are being lectured on sustainability by a man whose carbon footprint requires its own postcode.
I especially liked this quote from the King’s annual report…
“Sustainability remained a focus for the Household, with initiatives including the electrification of the official car fleet.”
Most Britons manage to sustain themselves without a fleet – official or otherwise.
The oldest monarchy in the world is shrinking itself to become a Greenpeace branch office.
King Charles won’t save the planet, but in trying to, he might just lose his country.
___
Republished with thanks to The James Macpherson Report.
Subscribe to his Substack here for daily witty commentary.
Image by Mark Jones via Wikimedia Commons.
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Meanwhile down here in the Antipodes, we have a crisis in government and the king (of the Commonwealth) is picking roses … God save the King.
James I love your satire, that perfectly matched your topic today.