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In a recent interview with Tucker Carlson, the Iranian President argued that his country’s infamous chants of “Death to America” really mean death to crimes and killing. Perhaps most concerning of all, Tucker took it all in with a straight face.

The President of Iran has told Tucker Carlson that when his countrymen chant “Death to America” while setting fire to the US flag, it’s not a call for death to America at all.

On the contrary, it’s an impassioned plea for an end to bad vibes.

Masoud Pezeshkian told Tucker:

When they say death to the United States… they don’t mean death for the people of the United States or even to the officials of the United States. They mean death to crimes, death to killing and carnage, death to supporting, killing others, to insecurity and instability.

And if you believe that, I’ve got a uranium enrichment facility to sell you — very low mileage, only used on weekends.

Next he’ll be claiming the Revolutionary Guard is just a misunderstood jazz ensemble.

“Death to America!”

But to be honest, I kind of get it.

Who among us hasn’t screamed “Death to Karen!” in the office kitchen, only to then reassure HR that we meant death to Karen’s spreadsheet errors, not Karen herself?

It’s an easy misunderstanding…

Kind of like how when you strap a bomb to your body and yell “Allahu Akbar!” in the subway and what you’re really meaning to communicate is “Let’s do lunch.”

So, to hear the Iranian President tell it, when the mobs in Tehran chant “Death to America!” it’s just a collective way of saying, “Wishing you all the best”. But with rockets.

“Death to America” then, rightly understood, is a kind of wholesome national mantra. Much like “Live, Laugh, Love”, but with more explosives.

It’s touching, really.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: What about the flag burning?

Just an ancient ritual to release negative energy.

And the hanging effigies of US presidents?

Performance art.

The real comedy, however, was that Tucker Carlson sat motionless, taking it all in like it was reasonable.

In fact, the only thing more absurd than the Iranian President expecting Americans to believe a word he says is the fact that many probably will.

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Republished with thanks to The James Macpherson Report. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.